Feli ♥ cious

today is the last day of 2009. finally it gonna end soon. why i said so? honestly, 2009 is definitely not my year. it's sucks. i think it's the bad year, to me. i lost myself  i lost my way i lost lotxa things. i can't find anything to light up my days. i lost motivation and i learnt nothing. *wth* to me, it's not my year. what a lonely and driftless year. i hate it so much. so, should i feel happy that 2009 is gonna end in another 24hours? em.. yes i think so. but will the same thing happen in 2010? i scared and i don't even dare to hoping so much. the more you expect the more disappoints you will get. sounds so lousy, right? but it's true, i hate that kinda feelings. for me, this year is totally nothing special and meaningless. i spent one year time to do lotxa thing for myself but i got nothing back. just now i read others blog as well, i do really really envy them, they had wonderful and meaningful year, they found what they want, they finally did something for their own, they got motivation in life, they learnt new things, they happy because they live their life in this year. how i envy them. totally lost in envy. i hope i can just like them in one day, go to a place that i longing and do what i wish i can do in my life. i really hope i can, however, it seems like never near me. *complicated feelings comes again    ? sigh*

brand new year? brand new start? brand new me? *doubt so*  if it's really my " new " year, please give me a new start. dear god, please give me an arir play when you're giving it to others. i know it's sounds so stupid. but this is the only " hope " for me. sigh. i do really scared. another year is coming soon, i really don't wish everything will remains the same, please don't. i beg and i pray. let me have a new start and hopefully it's my year.