Feli ♥ cious

ɯoɔ˙ʇodsƃolq˙01ʍɐıɔıləɟ

untitled again!

i had an odd mood from morning until now. i was wondering what's wrong with me. yea, i know there's something wrong with me. but can anyone tell me what's the exact thoughts in my mind? *frown  I woke up this morning, i was still in happy mood because i was kept thinking to go to cinema for 2012, but my cousin was busing with the canteen's day which will held on the day following today, so she can't go with me. *sad  After that breakfast, i went to replenish groceries with my mom. when i was choosing something on the track, she told me something very suddenly which made me had a very strange feeling and also very difficult to answer. so, i decided not to give any responds and continue walking here and there to get my stuff. i was driving alone after done the groceries, sitting in the car with a very high volume hit song, it's very high but my mind and heart was very cold. i have no idea, my brain was so blank and kept asking myself, WHY? fine, maybe i have already know the answer, or maybe i have to do that, or maybe there's still have another way to solve it, who knows, right? however, that's not what i intended, i have my own thoughts, i wan to be myself but not the one who live under-arranged. i think no one would like to be arranged. *sigh  okay, it's saturday, supposed not to be so moody, let's get some music and have a nice day. i called my cousin and told her i wanna go to chs have a look, because tml is the canteen's day, what a big day in chs, a special day in chs that i loved the most. i walked around the campus and booths, everyone was busying with their stuffs, they looked so busy but they enjoyed so much. somemore, it's raining and don't you think that's very fun! a bunch of friends playing in the rain, wow~ *giggle  mm.. this special day let me thinking of my classmates, suddenly miss them so much. most of them are studying in taiwan and part of them are working now i think. seldom contact with every one in class but only few of them who close with me. but every cny we will have a gathering and that time we can at least meet everyone and have fun like when we were still in high school. and that's why i still feel very happy because tml few of my classmates are going back to chs and we'll have a meet! can't wait to see them. xD when this comes to my mind, my happy mood comes back again. well, honestly, i was trying so hard to get back my gay mood, i really hate the emo moody. so, i kept telling myself nothing will beat me down, i'm still the strong girl that always is. i have to encourage myself and console myself as there's nobody can do it for me. so, in many times i will give myself some quotes and tell myself, " you have to learn from these by yourself, nobody helps you and nobody will be there for you when you facing problem." sometimes, i will think like if i can influenced by someone or elder ppl, it's must be very uncommon however seemed like there's no one. that's why i get used to encourage and support myself, since i was a kid. *wink  but should i happy for that? *doubt so  fine, what an odd day i had! duh!! forget about it. tomorrow will be a good day.. hope every nice thing can come toward to me.. please god.. bless me! xD weeeee~ i'm going to watch midnight show with my sister now.. poker king.. mm.. actually i wanna watch 2012, but surely full house so better make it on another day.. =(

Life Is Full Of Waiting?!


Life 
Is 
Full
Of 
Waiting
 ...





postscript :
delete and rewrite; delete and rewrite. end up i posted this. it was craps. doing nothing but thinking too much. suddenly i have too much ideas in my mind but i'm so tired and another reason is i have no idea where to start and jot down my thoughts here. well, it's pretty hard to  jot down everything here when i feel sleepy. life is full of waiting, do u guys agree with me? everyday, we waiting for lotxa things, people, etc. sometimes, waiting is a way to show our patience. you will never know what u gonna get at the end, what u can do is just waiting and waiting. but how many of you can really get what u wanted in the end? how many of you can really get as you think? nah, it's not for all. maybe you can't get what you want after waiting and waiting. maybe u get what you don't want to have at the end. life is always unpredictable. waiting and waiting, how many days or years you can spend in waiting for something/someone? but what else can do? still, you have to waiting, because you just haven't met the thing/people yet, so be patience. waiting for the one to come at the end, it's worth to waiting for something for yourself.. done, no more crapppsss! time to bed... nite everyone..

where is my motivation?

i'm doing revision right now.. International Business.. sounds like very geng, right? yup, not that easy actually, but not very difficult also.. mm.. what the hell i am talking huh? *shruggggg*  i dunno how much i've already absorb since i have been studying for whole day.... read and read and read... like hundred times.... but i still feel my brain is all blank... plan to major this subject as my degree if i have the chance in some day.. or maybe marketing? or maybe i don't have the chance... we don't know what's gonna happen on tml.. gosh.. i really need my study mood back.. i need motivation... i need pressure... i need stress... i need everything... i need support... support.... support... blah blah blah blah... okay, back to notes again.. continue... good luck to myself.... aza aza fighting..... you can do it, F !

PS:  3 entries in one day.... what's wrong with me? i'm seriously suffering from behavior disorder, supposed to do revision but i kept blogging around here.... STOP IT NOW!! back to notes!! 

untitled

i had a dream last night... i couldn't remember there're how many people in my dream but  i know most of my friends were there.. and those i really have a period didn't meet them but they also in my dream.. it's like a big party, a lot of food, BBQ-ing, chit-chatting... but everything was so real just i couldn't remember there're how many people.. yea, maybe i miss my friends too much.. i hate this kind of feeling.. it's not good at all.. everyone seems like really far away from me.. most of them are at different places studying now.. 50% in malaysia another 50% overseas.. we even hardly meet each other even thought they are in msia too.. they have their own campus life and seldom back to the hometown when the adapted the college life.. so, sometimes, we can only use msn to contact each other or maybe lost contact.. and those who oversea now..  one year only can meet one or two times, or maybe not even have the time to meet each other.. i really miss them a lot now.. like parents miss their children and hope to see them back from other countries, waiting for the day coming and pick up their children at the airport..  perhaps, i'm just like the parents, hope to see my friends back to here and have a gathering... as our age, supposed to have something fun with friends while studying... but, too bad, i used to had both but that's already passed.. i'm not a person who can't live without friends but when you used to be alone for such a long time.. i beg none of you won't miss your friends.. everytime i asked them, " when are u coming back?" most of them replied, " busying with assignments or exams ler, no time to go back!! " or " not sure yet, haven't book the air-ticket, i won't back so early."  see, everyone is enjoying their life.. i want to enjoy my life too, but tell me how to enjoy at here.. i really dunno where to get the answer.. like everyday doing nothing and have no the main purpose in your day, that's really a sad thing.. when you hope the days can fast forward to some day, but u have no idea when is the day, just like u're waiting some day coming soon, but seemed like there's no " some day " actually, because you yourself dunno when is it... perhaps, this is what i said, waiting the day all the friends back to here.. i know it's not a big deal for those who are enjoying the life now or with their stuff now.. i have no idea why i would suddenly have these feelings, strongly.. i found myself very funny.. maybe no one cares a friend like me.. right? hahaha.. 

i've been viewing lotxa albums from my friends.. i really really envy so much.. but i can't say my feelings out loud to anyone.. even i want to tell someone that i trust the most, but i always stop the conversation after few mins, because i always felt that i'm so silly to telling others these stupid things.. then i will stop talking anymore.. what a silly girl i am.. 

" because your lost your way now, so u have to find it back, and have a new start. " 
if it's so easy to find it back, i have already get it back.. when you try to do something for you own but being rejected by others, that kind of feeling, really hurt,yes i know.. after n times of request i think no one will try to do that anymore, because you have already knew that no matter how many times you request end up the response is still the same.. so what for to do it again? we can't do everything for our own in our life, because the life is not only belongs to you, still have others in your life and tell you " yes " and " no "... 

i still have one year to go.. i'm thinking how to make it shorter.. sigh... i really don't want to waste my time but why nobody can understand what i am talking about.. sometimes, i will hate myself.. can't do anything for my own.. can't even make the situation better than now.. drag me out if you have power.... hahaha.. 

mm.. i want to hang out with friends, i want to bbq, i want to travel around with friends.. i can't travel with friends like others do.. that's why i always envy those who can go somewhere and overnight to have fun with a gang of friends.. but, i think i have no this kind of chance.. nobody is here.. =(  *hey people, count me in if u guys wanna go any places to gai gai...) LOL~ 


feel like wanna go to traveling but i know i can't.. 1st my parents not allowed, 2nd i have no money.. -.-'' they went to shanghai but i can't follow, they going to thailand soon but i can't follow too, they going to hongkong after cny but i can't follow too... how nice if i have money.. sigh.. i got nothing now.. i can't go any places that i wanted to go.. darn it!

well, i should get back to assignment now.. stop thinking too much.. you can't change anything so just keep moving on.. tihs! *dun worry, i'm okay..* =)

Congestion of Traffic

After reading Queen B and Charley baobei's blog... suddenly feel like post a so damn long too.. haha! fine, bear with me, i'm hyperactive now i think.. well well, thinking to write something here BUT i have no idea what to type... aww... too much thing thrill through my brain now.. *mowe*

tic tok tic tok tic tok..... after 20mins... ding! yes, i found a topic, finally~ wanted to post this since i had a talk with my girl last dunno-which-day.. okay, simply jot down here.. *wink*

( i beg you guys will not understand what i'm trying to say after reading this, however, if you have plenty of time of course you can spend the time on my post.. *claps*  xD )

Don't get confused when you see the picture below...



whoops! traffic is still congested...
hahahahahaha!
i can image when my girl reads this..
she will like..
" walao.. 38 ar  u .... =___________=   ''


see.. i wonder why nowadays everywhere traffic jam, seriously..
do you guys know that?
can someone tell me why?
haha.. i have no idea too?

congestion of traffic
it always makes people couldn't  reach the destination on time
it always makes people couldn't meet someone in the right timing
it always let people waiting for a long time to meet other(s)
it's really annoying
but, what can we do?
one word 4 letters
W-A-I-T

so, be patience.
i'm sure the one will come to meet you soon
The traffics are going swimmingly
(",)v


gosh! what da hell i'm doing here huh?! i got test at 2pm but i'm still at here... whoops! xD mm... finger crossed!! yeah~

down down down

i got so damn down after lunch. and i wonder why too.
yea. i know the answer and also understand my own feelings now.
but the question is, i dunno how to express my feelings into words.
though i really tryna write something here instead of get someone to talk to me.
apparently, i couldn't write my thoughts here and
also couldn't get someone talk to me.
i've something to talk with whoever can just space
their time for me and listen to me.
whoever? but i dunno where to find the "whoever" around me.
i'm a complicated person. i'm a wack. i think.
i hope there's someone can talk to me, listen to me.
but at the same time, i will politely turned down who comes toward to me.
i don't simply trust anyone, since i was a kid.
i'd rather keep everything to myself, console myself, encourage myself.
and that's why i don't wish to let my mood get down and down,
so, i've sitting at flux cafe for almost 1hour, and get myself busying in the assignment and internet.




i'm a dumbie
i can't do anything for myself.
getting tired of my life now,
however, i really can't do anything to change it or make it better.
how nice if everything can make it better in time,
but good things only happened in fairy tale,
too bad, it's a real world not a fairy tale.



i need a vent.
i need a heart-to-heart's talk.
i need a coze-mate.

dumbie?!

communications gap
if someday you had realized that you're suffering from this, i'm sure that you gonna hate yourself till the max. it's a sad phenomena that couldn't have a proper communicating with others. it doesn't mean that you don't know what others' talking, but sometimes just like you can't get into the communication between you and others, or maybe not at the same channels with others, the feeling is quite afflictive at the moment, and also self-contempt. it could be few reasons why the communications gap can be happened, but it depends too. like the situation which i met, i have no idea since when i found that i had communications  gap with many of my friends, maybe they don't think so but i did. it's not that i don't understand what they said, but the problem is, sometimes, i don't know how to get into their conversations. like i was out of the topic or i should say that i felt like i can't join in the topic. i know it's quite silly that i had this thought. but seriously this made me seldom have a chat with friends. sometimes, i have no idea how to start the conversation. or it's because such a long time didn't meet up with them, so that i have no topic to start the conversation with friends, i doubt so. i know it shouldn't be happened on me. and, i will think that i am just like a dumbie sometimes. lotxa friends that i seldom/never catch up with them since " i-have-no-idea-the-exact-time. " i used to be a sociable person but now the-previous-me had gone. how i wish i can stop the time and back to two years ago, i love the-previous-me-so-much. everything is so perfect. but when time goes by, everyone has changed a lot. life-style, environment and thoughts, all these can let a person suffering from communications gap.

i intended to get rid of this.
so, hey friends, do chat with me more often, i don't wish to become a dumbie!

or maybe my words are not that sweet so i had communications gap with others?
whoever there if knows the reason, tell me please. =]

$ and ♥


$ and  
                                        which one is important in our life?






i need money
so that i can buy what i want
i need money
so that i can help lotxa people who needs money
i need money
so that i can afford everything for myself
i need money
so that i can pay for my own education fees
i need money
so that i don't need to take money from elders
i need money
so that nobody will look down on me
i need money
so that i can travel around the world
i need money

so that i can leave here for another place
i need money
so that i can go to somewhere to further my education


i have no money 
that's why everything is still in the wish-to do-list
i have no idea when i can completed one of em'
the only that i could ensure is this must take a long time to be completed



" Money makes human became realistic. "
it's true. i agreed.




We are unable to predict the future, always.
i wish i'm rich, like real rich.
but i want have a win-win situationboth wealth and health.


A little bit longer




once agian.. 
thanks to be my listener..
thanks for your encourage and concern..
i know u're tired and not free as well..
but then still thank you very much.. pal..
xoxo... 












Got the news today
But they said i had to stay
A little bit longer and i'll be fine
.....
.....
All this time goes by
I still dunno why
And a little bit longer and i'll be fine
.....
.....

Waiting on a cure
But non of them are sure
A little bit longer and i'll be fine   "





I'll be fine,
a little bit longer.


i should locked myself at home!

B-A-N-G !!!!!!!!!!!
shit man, A-G-A-I-N...i met an accident AGAIN!! what the  *^$&*&^%$#@#$%^ !!! i dunno what should i say now..totally speechless...my car was damaged extensively.. have to say bye bye to my lil silver~ sigh.. afraid.. worried..insecured.. uncomfortable.. pain & blur! Darn that blindness + idiot + dumb-ass + jerk bastard!! it's your wrong at first yet scolding and yelling at me... i was turning my car round the corner, you bastard collided my car... from the collision theory, it's not my wrong at all.. that guy bumped my car yet wanna get the collision costs from me.. what da fuck! Grrr... i was shocked when i heard the bang.. it's so terrible.. >.< the power of collision was too strong... my chest banged on the  steering wheel and i knocked my knee again.. and the door of driver's seat couldn't open like normal... i was a bit blurred and i haven't start to talk anything yet.. he already started scolding me like hell.. and within 5mins time, he already called lotxa ppl ( all looked like gangster) to help him.. ( he's a macho guy, but he called lotxa ppl to help him and told everyone that i knocked his car first!)  I had no time to call anyone but he already got lotxa ppl there..and those ahbeng ahseng kept looking at my car... everyone said that's my wrong.. =.=i was very pekcek and dun feel like wanna argue with them.. after few mins, my parents, sister and uncle came to the spot of accident to help me.. my dad and uncle said that's hiswrong.. (that guy felt shamed when my uncle asked him not to scold me) because, he din switch on the signal light and i was driving on my own road, therefore, he is the one who must pay the costs to me... after few mins, traffic police came to took photos and after that i went to make a report.. i'm wondering why nowadays those guys are so ungentlemanly... but, honestly, i got a shocked.. damn!!




toyota camry.. that bastard's car..





see! my poor lil silver...  i have no car to use now.. 
sent to hospital already.. i think in ICU now..
*sob sob*   =(




i'm so tired now..
:c 
my knee is damn painful now..
:c
this is certainly NOT my day !
:c

insomnia? hungry? LOL~

oh my G-O-S-H! It's 6:20 in the morning.. I supposed to having a sweet dream now as I have the last paper at 9.30am later.. But, I didn't do that right? Obviously.. I'm suffering from insomnia now... I have no idea the reason why I couldn't get back to my sleep.. it's because hungry or too hot? I don't think it's the latter one, I've already switch on the air-con till max.. So, I think... it's because... hehe... *feel shy to admit*  xD ohya, I've changed a new template for my lil secret place.. yeap, blue color, it's my fav! So, how's it? nice? =) well, still have another 3hours to go.. should i get back to my sleep now or just sitting infront  lappie and continue my accounting revision? hmm... fine, i think i better get back to my sleep... looking at my blanket and bolster..  opps.. i love them till the max.. hohoho... night...






Will my dream come true in my dream?

untitled

i'm here again.. sigh.. i supposed to do the revision for the next week final exams.. however, i have no study mood right now.. one week study week going to finish and the final exams is around the corner yet i haven't do any revisions.. what da fuck am i doing huh? or should i say that i have no any motivation to prepare for the exams anymore, since i back to here study... yea, i admit that i have changed a lot, it's not my style.. i don't really worry about my studies, i dun really care about exams, as long as i did read those notes and get passed in every subjects, that's enough for me.. sometimes, i would think that the examples and descriptions that i gave were much more detail from the notes.. so, honestly, i dun pay too much attention on class, even thought i did concentrated on the class, but after all just sitting at there and listen to da non-topic-lecture, yea, you'll know why i don't pay attention anymore, it's not i don't want to pay attention but just fucking boring at there.. some more, i don't really understand what da effing examples that the lecturer gave... aren't they think that we're still studying in elementary school or junior students? those examples are really sucks! yea, sometimes it's quite palia, but what's da point at last? everybody kept laughing but don't know what da hell was that, don't you think it works? the answer is N-O! so, i'd rather study myself, search for the example for myself to able answer those question papers... and also because of this i really don't care my result so much, as long as i got credit, and faster complete the course, to me that's enough.. no matter how merit result i got, it's doesn't important anymore, if i wanna continue to get a degree in the future, i still have to spend around 1 and the half year or maybe 2 years time to get a degree, because as i knew, the diploma certificate i got are not really recognized in quite many uni/coll... meaning that i have to retake few subject if i wanna continue degree in the future, i have to start from year2, don't you think it's very wasted my time.. well, i know it's still have 1year to complete the diploma course, but if after that other uni/coll really want to me retake, i think i won't do degree after that... maybe start my working life... as what u guys said, it's a gold coin society now, nonid study too much, money is more important than e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g... once u have money, you can continue study any course or even get a master or phd as u like.. sigh.. i know it's too reality.. but that's a true.. there are lotxa reality people surroundings me... i dun like people keep talking this kind of topic around me, i have my own thoughts and i know what should i do for myself, as my intelligence and ability (sorry, i'm not showing off, just have some confidence in myself), i have faith in myself that i can have a bright future for myself, but i know there are some people think that i can't... i dun care what others think about me, i just be myself.. i want to prove that i can make it.. i can do it.. as what a different family i had, i can't have any extravagant hopes, i told myself, if i want to study overseas or any other, everything i must do on my own account.. i promise myself that i must study oversea in one day, hence i have to faster complete the course now and see any chances out there for me to do so... sigh.. see, what a long post... apparently, i have no friends to pour out... everyone is busy.. everyone has their own thing to do.. nobody will cares what i say.. so, that's why i love my blog so much.. *wink*  well, don't find me chat and ask me what's wrong with me after reading this post.. when i need someone by my side and give me some support, but there's no one out there, after i posted a blog and just come to ask me, please, this is not what i want..(sorry about that...)  at the same time, i don't expect there will be lotxa comments here, i always just read others blog w/o post a comment so i don't think others will do that in my blog too... anyway, i'm ok, just need to relieve my feelings and sulks.. sigh.. but i seriously need some support and care..  ( after all, i still have to be myself, hey felicia tay, u're a strong girl, you always is the best one, independent and competent... buck up!! nothing can beat you down.. yea, i believe it!) xD





 

I need you
my friends
all of you
where are you guys now?










Nobody is there when you need someone badly.

I want to be alone

Everything is under my expectation...I can predicted what responses you gonna give me.. It's not i want to being so stubborn.. all the reasons that i gave for you were just rubbish.. Am i that useless in you all mind? Sometimes, i really have grave doubts about my competence.. If you guys think that i'm a nuisance, please don't always say those words which makes me feel so disgusting, don't tryna praise me and after that all reaction that did by u were totally distrust on me... what da hell u guys doing? I'm a human too.. I got feeling I got thoughts... Well, i really feel so disappointed.. I have nothing to say anymore.. Let me be alone.. Just let me be.. I need a tranquil space at this moment.. it's better with a shoulder if there's possible.. but.. no.. =(









PS : Well, I went to had dinner with fangyee, adele, vincent, chuangshi, jianxuan and after that we all went to qiong k and that joremi came to join us too.. It's really a great night.. especially the qiong k part!! wiu wit~ JianXuan is really a *thumbs-up singer... He sang the Linkin Park's song... OMG!! so damn H-I-G-H!! *clapsss* haha... the funniest thing was, he can sing different categories songs, such as hokkien, chinese, english, old-songs, new-songs, hampalang lar ~!! flexible enough!! Hey, u should try malay songs if we going again! ohya~ we went for dinner and qiong k because of Miss. Adele.. she's going back to taiwan on tml morning.. so, see u durin' Chinese New Year!! Bon Voyage~   Really had a great night with all of you.. I still feel very energetic now.. * Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans), boots with the furrrr............ Low Low Low Low...*  ^__________^



A smile was a mask to hide someone's disappointment and sadness.