i had an odd mood from morning until now. i was wondering what's wrong with me. yea, i know there's something wrong with me. but can anyone tell me what's the exact thoughts in my mind? *frown I woke up this morning, i was still in happy mood because i was kept thinking to go to cinema for 2012, but my cousin was busing with the canteen's day which will held on the day following today, so she can't go with me. *sad After that breakfast, i went to replenish groceries with my mom. when i was choosing something on the track, she told me something very suddenly which made me had a very strange feeling and also very difficult to answer. so, i decided not to give any responds and continue walking here and there to get my stuff. i was driving alone after done the groceries, sitting in the car with a very high volume hit song, it's very high but my mind and heart was very cold. i have no idea, my brain was so blank and kept asking myself, WHY? fine, maybe i have already know the answer, or maybe i have to do that, or maybe there's still have another way to solve it, who knows, right? however, that's not what i intended, i have my own thoughts, i wan to be myself but not the one who live under-arranged. i think no one would like to be arranged. *sigh okay, it's saturday, supposed not to be so moody, let's get some music and have a nice day. i called my cousin and told her i wanna go to chs have a look, because tml is the canteen's day, what a big day in chs, a special day in chs that i loved the most. i walked around the campus and booths, everyone was busying with their stuffs, they looked so busy but they enjoyed so much. somemore, it's raining and don't you think that's very fun! a bunch of friends playing in the rain, wow~ *giggle mm.. this special day let me thinking of my classmates, suddenly miss them so much. most of them are studying in taiwan and part of them are working now i think. seldom contact with every one in class but only few of them who close with me. but every cny we will have a gathering and that time we can at least meet everyone and have fun like when we were still in high school. and that's why i still feel very happy because tml few of my classmates are going back to chs and we'll have a meet! can't wait to see them. xD when this comes to my mind, my happy mood comes back again. well, honestly, i was trying so hard to get back my gay mood, i really hate the emo moody. so, i kept telling myself nothing will beat me down, i'm still the strong girl that always is. i have to encourage myself and console myself as there's nobody can do it for me. so, in many times i will give myself some quotes and tell myself, " you have to learn from these by yourself, nobody helps you and nobody will be there for you when you facing problem." sometimes, i will think like if i can influenced by someone or elder ppl, it's must be very uncommon however seemed like there's no one. that's why i get used to encourage and support myself, since i was a kid. *wink but should i happy for that? *doubt so fine, what an odd day i had! duh!! forget about it. tomorrow will be a good day.. hope every nice thing can come toward to me.. please god.. bless me! xD weeeee~ i'm going to watch midnight show with my sister now.. poker king.. mm.. actually i wanna watch 2012, but surely full house so better make it on another day.. =(
- Fειiсiα ▪ ௰εε
- be what i wanna be do what i wanna do i just like to be myself i am who i am and that will never change ®©
About Me
♪ ♫ ♩ ♬
Life
i'm doing revision right now.. International Business.. sounds like very geng, right? yup, not that easy actually, but not very difficult also.. mm.. what the hell i am talking huh? *shruggggg* i dunno how much i've already absorb since i have been studying for whole day.... read and read and read... like hundred times.... but i still feel my brain is all blank... plan to major this subject as my degree if i have the chance in some day.. or maybe marketing? or maybe i don't have the chance... we don't know what's gonna happen on tml.. gosh.. i really need my study mood back.. i need motivation... i need pressure... i need stress... i need everything... i need support... support.... support... blah blah blah blah... okay, back to notes again.. continue... good luck to myself.... aza aza fighting..... you can do it, F !
PS: 3 entries in one day.... what's wrong with me? i'm seriously suffering from behavior disorder, supposed to do revision but i kept blogging around here.... STOP IT NOW!! back to notes!!
i had a dream last night... i couldn't remember there're how many people in my dream but i know most of my friends were there.. and those i really have a period didn't meet them but they also in my dream.. it's like a big party, a lot of food, BBQ-ing, chit-chatting... but everything was so real just i couldn't remember there're how many people.. yea, maybe i miss my friends too much.. i hate this kind of feeling.. it's not good at all.. everyone seems like really far away from me.. most of them are at different places studying now.. 50% in malaysia another 50% overseas.. we even hardly meet each other even thought they are in msia too.. they have their own campus life and seldom back to the hometown when the adapted the college life.. so, sometimes, we can only use msn to contact each other or maybe lost contact.. and those who oversea now.. one year only can meet one or two times, or maybe not even have the time to meet each other.. i really miss them a lot now.. like parents miss their children and hope to see them back from other countries, waiting for the day coming and pick up their children at the airport.. perhaps, i'm just like the parents, hope to see my friends back to here and have a gathering... as our age, supposed to have something fun with friends while studying... but, too bad, i used to had both but that's already passed.. i'm not a person who can't live without friends but when you used to be alone for such a long time.. i beg none of you won't miss your friends.. everytime i asked them, " when are u coming back?" most of them replied, " busying with assignments or exams ler, no time to go back!! " or " not sure yet, haven't book the air-ticket, i won't back so early." see, everyone is enjoying their life.. i want to enjoy my life too, but tell me how to enjoy at here.. i really dunno where to get the answer.. like everyday doing nothing and have no the main purpose in your day, that's really a sad thing.. when you hope the days can fast forward to some day, but u have no idea when is the day, just like u're waiting some day coming soon, but seemed like there's no " some day " actually, because you yourself dunno when is it... perhaps, this is what i said, waiting the day all the friends back to here.. i know it's not a big deal for those who are enjoying the life now or with their stuff now.. i have no idea why i would suddenly have these feelings, strongly.. i found myself very funny.. maybe no one cares a friend like me.. right? hahaha..
i've been viewing lotxa albums from my friends.. i really really envy so much.. but i can't say my feelings out loud to anyone.. even i want to tell someone that i trust the most, but i always stop the conversation after few mins, because i always felt that i'm so silly to telling others these stupid things.. then i will stop talking anymore.. what a silly girl i am..
" because your lost your way now, so u have to find it back, and have a new start. "
if it's so easy to find it back, i have already get it back.. when you try to do something for you own but being rejected by others, that kind of feeling, really hurt,yes i know.. after n times of request i think no one will try to do that anymore, because you have already knew that no matter how many times you request end up the response is still the same.. so what for to do it again? we can't do everything for our own in our life, because the life is not only belongs to you, still have others in your life and tell you " yes " and " no "...
i still have one year to go.. i'm thinking how to make it shorter.. sigh... i really don't want to waste my time but why nobody can understand what i am talking about.. sometimes, i will hate myself.. can't do anything for my own.. can't even make the situation better than now.. drag me out if you have power.... hahaha..
mm.. i want to hang out with friends, i want to bbq, i want to travel around with friends.. i can't travel with friends like others do.. that's why i always envy those who can go somewhere and overnight to have fun with a gang of friends.. but, i think i have no this kind of chance.. nobody is here.. =( *hey people, count me in if u guys wanna go any places to gai gai...) LOL~
feel like wanna go to traveling but i know i can't.. 1st my parents not allowed, 2nd i have no money.. -.-'' they went to shanghai but i can't follow, they going to thailand soon but i can't follow too, they going to hongkong after cny but i can't follow too... how nice if i have money.. sigh.. i got nothing now.. i can't go any places that i wanted to go.. darn it!
well, i should get back to assignment now.. stop thinking too much.. you can't change anything so just keep moving on.. tihs! *dun worry, i'm okay..* =)
also couldn't get someone talk to me.
their time for me and listen to me.
i need money
i need money
i wish i'm rich, like real rich.
but i want have a win-win situationboth wealth and health.
xoxo...
.....
my knee is damn painful now..
:c
this is certainly NOT my










