Feli ♥ cious

i had a dream last night... i couldn't remember there're how many people in my dream but  i know most of my friends were there.. and those i really have a period didn't meet them but they also in my dream.. it's like a big party, a lot of food, BBQ-ing, chit-chatting... but everything was so real just i couldn't remember there're how many people.. yea, maybe i miss my friends too much.. i hate this kind of feeling.. it's not good at all.. everyone seems like really far away from me.. most of them are at different places studying now.. 50% in malaysia another 50% overseas.. we even hardly meet each other even thought they are in msia too.. they have their own campus life and seldom back to the hometown when the adapted the college life.. so, sometimes, we can only use msn to contact each other or maybe lost contact.. and those who oversea now..  one year only can meet one or two times, or maybe not even have the time to meet each other.. i really miss them a lot now.. like parents miss their children and hope to see them back from other countries, waiting for the day coming and pick up their children at the airport..  perhaps, i'm just like the parents, hope to see my friends back to here and have a gathering... as our age, supposed to have something fun with friends while studying... but, too bad, i used to had both but that's already passed.. i'm not a person who can't live without friends but when you used to be alone for such a long time.. i beg none of you won't miss your friends.. everytime i asked them, " when are u coming back?" most of them replied, " busying with assignments or exams ler, no time to go back!! " or " not sure yet, haven't book the air-ticket, i won't back so early."  see, everyone is enjoying their life.. i want to enjoy my life too, but tell me how to enjoy at here.. i really dunno where to get the answer.. like everyday doing nothing and have no the main purpose in your day, that's really a sad thing.. when you hope the days can fast forward to some day, but u have no idea when is the day, just like u're waiting some day coming soon, but seemed like there's no " some day " actually, because you yourself dunno when is it... perhaps, this is what i said, waiting the day all the friends back to here.. i know it's not a big deal for those who are enjoying the life now or with their stuff now.. i have no idea why i would suddenly have these feelings, strongly.. i found myself very funny.. maybe no one cares a friend like me.. right? hahaha.. 

i've been viewing lotxa albums from my friends.. i really really envy so much.. but i can't say my feelings out loud to anyone.. even i want to tell someone that i trust the most, but i always stop the conversation after few mins, because i always felt that i'm so silly to telling others these stupid things.. then i will stop talking anymore.. what a silly girl i am.. 

" because your lost your way now, so u have to find it back, and have a new start. " 
if it's so easy to find it back, i have already get it back.. when you try to do something for you own but being rejected by others, that kind of feeling, really hurt,yes i know.. after n times of request i think no one will try to do that anymore, because you have already knew that no matter how many times you request end up the response is still the same.. so what for to do it again? we can't do everything for our own in our life, because the life is not only belongs to you, still have others in your life and tell you " yes " and " no "... 

i still have one year to go.. i'm thinking how to make it shorter.. sigh... i really don't want to waste my time but why nobody can understand what i am talking about.. sometimes, i will hate myself.. can't do anything for my own.. can't even make the situation better than now.. drag me out if you have power.... hahaha.. 

mm.. i want to hang out with friends, i want to bbq, i want to travel around with friends.. i can't travel with friends like others do.. that's why i always envy those who can go somewhere and overnight to have fun with a gang of friends.. but, i think i have no this kind of chance.. nobody is here.. =(  *hey people, count me in if u guys wanna go any places to gai gai...) LOL~ 


feel like wanna go to traveling but i know i can't.. 1st my parents not allowed, 2nd i have no money.. -.-'' they went to shanghai but i can't follow, they going to thailand soon but i can't follow too, they going to hongkong after cny but i can't follow too... how nice if i have money.. sigh.. i got nothing now.. i can't go any places that i wanted to go.. darn it!

well, i should get back to assignment now.. stop thinking too much.. you can't change anything so just keep moving on.. tihs! *dun worry, i'm okay..* =)