Feli ♥ cious

I countdown the day, everyday and every second. I'm so looking forward to the day, I don't know what I'm going to do when the day is coming, but I just hope it comes as soon as possible. Maybe you gonna ask me if I don't like the current situation, yup, undoubtedly, I'm waiting the day coming and have a change. I want to do something memorable in my life. I mean some experiences that I yearned to have in my life. The one always on the top of list would never happened in my life, I know, fine, I substituted another one, this is what I can do for myself. Basically, I've checked a lot but I can't do anything right now, still, the day is not yet coming that's why I can only countdown everyday. Please come to me... 


I know sometimes I like to being secretive, well, most of the time. I used to be like that, since i was a kid. I don't like to tell all my things to others, even family or sibling or my close friends. I found it's hard to say out and the main problem is, I don't trust anyone. I know this is very bad if whoever beside me heard this, but seriously, I scared to make a clear breast to others, I feel unsecured, I admit. And I protect myself from not getting hurt, that's why I don't tell/say much to not-so-close-ones. I'm a friendly person, but if you try to reveal my private affairs, don't blame on me being rude to you or perhaps I will hate you, if you don't believe me, you can have a try. If you think I'm a weirdo, yeap, probably I am. I won't touch yours so please don't do the same thing to me, respect is the main one that I care the most. 


I'm in the moody mode. Sometimes, I have no idea why I have such feeling all of a sudden. Alone? Not really, I get used of the loneliness, but sometimes I hate it too, when you hope someone is beside you but at the end you're alone at that moment, you know how it feels like? It's sucks! And now, my feelings are mixed with sad and disappointed and maybe angry? What a complicated feelings. I'm doing brainwashing, but the more I think, the more disappointments I have. Life is so expected, you never know what you gonna get at the end, we try our best to fight for everything, ends up, what's the main thing we want for life? Everyone has different needs in their life. what exactly I want for my life? Follow my own or follow the elders' ? I feel so helpless, unsecured, where's the shoulder I can lean on?  Walk alone on the road, the wind blowing on my face, I have to keep walking, despite the night is cold and dark. 


I'm okay, I'll be okay, I want to be okay... 
Everything is gonna be okay.. 
I have faith on myself..